I'm feeling such a flood of thoughts and emotions that I decided to come here and let them out. It all centers around two bad words (F & C): Frustrated and Confused.
Atec and I have been married for 4 1/2 wonderful years. I love her and am frequently in awe of her abilities and devotion to our family. I absolutely adore my two little boys as well - they make me smile every single day (usually many times each day!) I frequently think about how much Heavenly Father must love me to bless me with these three amazing people to be around me all of the time!
But then life gets in the way - I go to work (well, what's left of it anyway), come home and work some more, sleep a little, and generally feel like we're getting nowhere; barely paying bills, turning a blind-eye to student loans, trying to piece together 4 jobs, struggling to stay positive and happy. All of this causes me to frequently think Heavenly Father must not care about me enough to help me find a situation where I can aptly provide for my family and feel successful.
The contradiction of these two thoughts - occurring on a near-daily basis - is pretty fatiguing. I am sure that many many other people can relate to this, and probably have more striking examples of these two poles of experience. But for me in this moment, simply recognizing the feelings and taking time to reflect and ponder on things is enough. I know that I still have the faith to keep believing that things will work out. That's why F & C are such bad words; they are faith destroyers, not builders. They are tools of Satan, who is the enemy of God's great plan as well as my own personal happiness.
Well, recording that helped me a little. Hopefully it will help somebody else too.
p.s. in case you didn't figure it out - this was posted by Pmc
3 comments:
I know you probably don't want to hear this and I definitely don't want to belittle your hardships but believe it or not one day you will look back on these days with fond memories. My parents struggled with money my whole life so we had to be creative in so many different situations. Those moments of creativity usually made things work out better in ways we could have never predicted and are some of my favorite memories. Plus in my limited experience of this life I have noticed that the families that struggled together seem to have a closer bond than those who didn't. It's kind of like the whole butterfly analogy, struggle only makes us stronger. I'm sorry that you guys are having to go through this hard time though. Just do me a favor and don't forget to stop, breathe, and do something fun amongst all the chaos, even if it's something as simple as just grabbing your wife and boys and dancing in the kitchen while making brownies. :) BTW your post did help, I have a feeling that my advice to you was more advice to myself, or at least a reminder, so thanks!
Oh, Pmc. I so wish that I could tell you that everything was going to get better immediately. But it may not, ever. Life is hard. Some days are much harder than others. Some days you just have to take minute by minute because that's all you can handle right then. What helps me when I'm feeling this way is to look at others' trials. Somehow, this always makes me grateful for my own. Please know that we are thinking of you and praying for you, and hoping things will get better. Love you so much! Hang in there. (((hugs))), hb
You don't know me, but I grew up with Atec. I am sorry to hear of your struggles. I was also impressed with your positive attitude towards your struggles. I was feeling very depressed today (our struggles is the realization having children is not medically possible for us). In reading your post, I remembered that all of us have severe trials to our faith. I have a hard time seeing the perspective on why we have this trial. Thank you for your honesty and for your faith. It helps increase me own faith that God has a plan for us and that something will work out.
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