I have thought about marriage quite a bit this summer. There have been quite a few things that have brought me to ponder this relationship, although I won't list them. But when I went to Bear Lake for our family reunion, I managed to come up with my own little parable from my own life. I had been putting together a list of things that I wanted to put in an “Ode to Bear Lake,” and I realized how I could compare the way I treat my Bear Lake experiences to the way we all should treat our marriages.For me Bear Lake is more than just a fun place to go and have a fun vacation. Bear Lake is a second home to me, and was often more of a home to me than my home in Salt Lake. I pretty much spent all summer at the lake. We would only come home for violin lessons. We had a cabin on the East shore, and our cousins had a cabin half-a-mile down the road. My parents fought a lot when I was a teenager, and my mom would take us kids to the lake, and my dad would stay home and work. Time at the lake usually meant time without listening to parents fighting.
I'm going to start off with a list, similar to the list each graduating senior at East High got to include in our Yearbook. Some of these things will have meaning to some of you reading this, some of them are memories from siblings or friends, and some of them are strictly personal....but they are a list of memories nonetheless.
Bear Lake shack, The Little Old Woman who lived in a Shoe cabin, Bear Lake Monster on the beach, Emerald Beach, knocking over the dumpster driving the first time, Bundy's Raspberry Shakes & English Chips, Bundy's treehouse, Indian Creek Ranch, Bear Lake Hot Springs, North Beach SLOW speed limit, water-skiing by the pumping station, silt from the Bird Refuge, 1 mile beach, dirt road to Montpelier – flat tires, Lemon pie for the Lemon family, Dingle Idaho, hot springs along dirt road, 4th of July parade in Paris, singing Bass – Don't worry Be happy & Take me to the River Drop me in the Water, Brownie points – runaway truck ramp & first one to see the lake or cabin, Uh Oh the tires popped, That's a straight up fire, green fields, blue lake, dripia castles, birthday parties, lightning storms, cloud watching, skiing on the gold, sunsets, water-skiing naked at midnight, watching sailboat burn, rattlesnakes, riding bikes in hills, sleeping on tennis court, money basketball, fireworks into the lake, playing tennis, rowing back to shore with water-skis when boat died, mutual parties at the lake, hanging out with cousins, giant puzzles, watching movies while waiting for glass, jumping waves, hypothermia, volleyball & badminton on the lawn, cobbler, family dinners, early morning water-skiing, card games – speed, Sweet 16 surprise party, getting fired, drives to Bloomington, the rope swing, wildflowers, the water coming up, tractors to launch boats, awful movie rentals from Laketown, working at the Lighthouse restaurant, getting fired from Lighthouse housekeeping, I hate that Rick, sunburns and aloe vera, watching for deer on the East side, church in St. Charles, mom's rice krispy treats, sea shells, straight arms, tuck your bum, push with your back leg, never let go unless your feet are behind you, barefoot water-skiing.
Okay, that list may grow and update over time, but for now it feels pretty complete.
Now, why is Bear Lake like marriage? Well, it's not so much that Bear Lake itself is like marriage, but my attitude towards Bear Lake is similar to how Marriage should be. That list up there may not make sense to everyone, but mostly it's a list of fond memories. And even the memories that aren't so enjoyable (like my first experience driving running into a dumpster and knocking it over!) I listed because I can look back on them and laugh about them. This list was not purposely made to cut out bad memories, that is literally how I remember of Bear Lake.
If I think really hard, I could definitely write out just as long a list of bad memories of Bear Lake. I'll just give a taste: Even though most of the time my dad wasn't at the lake with us, there were times that he was there, which meant that my parents were together and would argue. Our cabin was a total shack that always seemed like it was about to fall over. We often had boats that broke down in the middle of the lake, sometimes when we were trying to get back into shore because there was a dangerous storm approaching. It was a tiny cabin that meant that my five siblings and I were in a lot closer proximity to each other than we were used to at home, which meant more fighting.
I'll just leave it at that. I don't want to dwell on those things, I just wanted to point out that some of the issues were pretty big. Yet, they are still not what I dwell on when I think about Bear Lake. Whenever I talk to family and friends about Bear Lake, I tell them about all my wonderful memories, and how I can hardly wait to get back to Bear Lake. It's where I wish I could spend all my time.
This is how marriage should be. Pmc and I have some pretty big issues we've been dealing with lately in our marriage. It's really hard. And I do currently dwell on these things quite a bit, but when I do, it is either in private discussion with my Heavenly Father, or with a close friend or family member. Furthermore, I discuss these things only to search for solutions. Otherwise, I focus on and talk about the wonderful things we have going for us. I tell people about how Pmc loves to be with the kids, how he's been taking me on dates, how we got to enjoy such a fantastic year in Syracuse, how we get to go home and be close to family, how he has been making sure we pray and read scriptures together every day, how we have been laughing together more often lately. These are the things I want to remember. This is how I want to remember my marriage, even though at certain times the issues we deal with seem insurmountable. I also want other people to see the good in my husband, because I love him and want him to be loved by others and not just me. Doing this reminds me how wonderful my marriage really is, and helps me to put our struggles into proper perspective. I covenanted with him and with God 3 ½ years ago that I would love him, and love is an action not just a feeling.
I love Bear Lake, I do. But more than anything else, I love my husband and our marriage.
P.S. I am working on a real update, from the wedding and family reunion in Utah, to our brief return to Syracuse.....and now our move back to Utah which is still in process. I'll get there...but I haven't been taking pictures very well, and we're REALLY disorganized because we sold so much stuff and packed pretty fast. Maybe I can do that in the car tomorrow. For now - more sleep!!!!
