Happy Mother's Day! I only have a moment but I want to record my thoughts today. (I started this post on Mother's Day! Late but not sorry!)
As I sat in the car with the boys after church today I happened to hear a little clip on the radio about a boy who grew up needing to be in a wheelchair, and how he doesn't remember feeling sorry for himself - but he does remember his mother's hugs and kisses. Then this is the part that caught my attention: he didn't remember ever hearing his mother complain about the extra effort it took to care for him.
I thought about all the times in my life that I've heard this quality of "not complaining" being praised. And usually it's said that these people "never complained." Somehow I always equate this in my mind with "never being unhappy or dissatisfied," or at least "never letting on to being unhappy or dissatisfied." Then I feel completely inadequate as a mother and wife.
Being a mom is hard, so is being a wife. These are full-time relationships that require a huge amount of effort. And the effort required increases in certain situations, such as a rough economy, change in income or job, having a special needs child, a child's or spouse's choices, or my own personal choices. And sometimes I just don't know how to cope and I break down. And for me, talking to those involved, reaching out to those with more experience, or expressing myself through journaling are the best ways for me to cope. In fact often they are how I resolve issues and overcome obstacles. And working through obstacles and resolving issues are precisely the things that bring me joy as a mother and wife.
So I guess what I'm saying is I don't really understand what it means to complain, or to never complain. Because I honestly don't think that is what I'm doing. Maybe I'm just justifying myself. I don't really know except that I honestly feel it is important to work through things using the relationships we have, and that we are not meant to keep all our struggles hidden. I do believe that it is important to work through things with the right people, that privacy has it's place, and that expressing discontent for the sole purpose of throwing a pity party does no good. And maybe that's what the story on the radio was about. Silly me for interpreting it the wrong way.
1 comment:
There is a big difference between complaining and allowing yourself to feel the emotions you have. On my mission I kept hearing the Sisters offer this saying "fake it til you make it". I hated that, we shouldn't have to go through our lives faking emotions we don't have. We are human and women, we need to feel and express our emotions. Those who silently suffer do exactly that, suffer. Of all my companions you were the one who didn't fear expressing how you felt and I always loved you for it. Definitely don't stop now. I hate that our society acts like if you have a reaction to the pressure around you then you aren't strong. I find strength in those who face a situation head on and allow themselves to do the hardest thing of all, feel.
I guess what I'm saying is that you are awesome and that I fully agree with you. Express those emotions!
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